Non-Poetry

I didn't sleep much last night. God is trying to make me trust Him again. Somehow I always end up back at this crossroads, do I think I can sort out my life and get things figured out or do I put faith in God? Yeah, I know what the right answer is. I want to know what MY answer is. I am looking at options to take in the near future, and looking at all my difficulties between here and there.

So I lie awake at night, trying to sleep, trying to relax, trying to... I don't know. I feel exhausted and fragile, and yet unable to collapse or slow down. My mind is in a thousand places and yet never anywhere for any length of time. Praying for direction only seems to sound hollow in my ears. I feel as though I have been dropped in the desert, with no compass and a note that says water is somewhere close (guess where). Only, I am not alone, I have a wife who depends on me, relies on me for direction and support. I can try to sound confident, appear knowledgeable, but I can't fool myself.

What do I do when life gets yanked out from under me? Where does faith leave me when I cannot see?

I will just put my hand up. Let Him take it. He will direct me, when I do not know the way. He will keep me secure, keep us together and whole. Faith is less about walking and more about being led than I had imagined.