Restarting

It seems,

that in my attempt to

begin again, I find myself

unable to move

to think, progress

and so I step away.

It is easy to forget

in the moment

in the busy

in the chaos

in the energy that consumes my day,

sometimes connecting with God

is less about finding the time

and more about losing

more about letting me go

more about less of this

less of that

less of that thing I spend every day trying to achieve

less of me.

And so it is easy to stay busy,

to immerse myself into the void of crowd and noise

to revel in the mud

to spend my time looking down

instead of up.

And so I try to restart,

try to overcome

to compensate

to feel on my own that which I am incapable of doing.

To try to claw my way back to the cross

all on my own

not out of shame

but out of anxiety

out of missing out on You.

Yeah.

Brilliant.

So here I go.

Lord, I can be an idiot. Scratch that. I am an idiot a lot of the time. So I am going to get back to writing. Because that is how I open up and get out all the stuff that I think about all the time. Its how I sit at the cross and look at the sky. So I will try to do this a lot more often.