The celebration

I had forgotten how long we had been fighting long ago. The exhaustion and pain turn into a dull ache. The weight of my sword grows heavier, my gashed and battered armor makes every movement a strain.  It seemed like there we always more enemies, for every one that we cut down, another jumped into his place. Their weapons would occasionally slide through a gap in my armor when I wasn't concentrating and small rivulets of blood turned to a small pool at my feet. The thought of quitting or fleeing or dying never enters our minds. There is too much that we are fighting for. We are protecting those we love, those we care about, failure is not an option.  But the fight can't go on forever can it? We can't out last our enemy, we are just humans.

And then He came. Some would have said an army couldn't crush the enemy force, but He did it all alone. I couldn't even really tell what happened, because while he came crashing into the battle line, the world seemed to fade away to blackness for me. 

My eyes opened to brilliant light. Light that was brighter than the sun, light that seemed to emanate from everything because when I looked down there were no shadows. I had to squint at first, for fear of blinding my eyes with the brilliance of the place I was in. I realized was still in my armor, still covered in blood, grime, sweat and gore. My sword was still in my hand, bathed in the dark blood of the monsters we fought, pitted, nicked, battered and dulled by the constant fighting. 

And then I saw the room I was in. Pure gold covered the floor, enormous pillars of ivory and marble held a ceiling of pure blue sky, the impossible melded with beautiful in a perfect display of incredible light. There was an huge crowd of people, clothed in beautiful robes and swirling in a crazy party the likes of which I had never seen. The food and music seemed to change every moment but was perfect at all times somehow. And I saw Him in the crowd, the shining center of the room no matter where he happened to be. The golden throne at the far end of the room sat empty while he enjoyed the revelry with His people. And the room was full of light because of Him. I don't know how that makes sense, or  how I knew it, but it is the truth. 

I felt shame for a brief moment. I had somehow crashed His victory party in an outfit covered in dirt and grime. I didn't fit in, the party swirled around but didn't get near me. But strangely enough, I started to see my the evidence of battle start to fade from my armor. The dried blood and dirt started disappearing from the crevices and gashes, my sword started repairing itself, gleaming in the light. I was wearing the most perfect battle garb ever created, when a moment ago I appeared to have just come from a lifelong war, which I had. 

Then He spoke to me from the throne, His booming but gentle voice stopping the party immediately, but not stopping the air of excitement in the room or the joy in the revelers. "My loyal and brave warrior, welcome to the victory celebration. Why do you not join in the party?"

Instinct took over, I dropped to my knees and bowed my head as a good soldier should in the presence of his King. My voice shook a bit, but the words seemed to be clear enough. "My King, I don't fit in with your party. I am fresh from battle and I fear I would be a distraction. Your victory should be celebrated without me bringing it down."

When He spoke again, His voice was quieter and right next to me and there seemed to be a smile in it. "My son, I didn't win the fight to take a victory. I didn't arrive on the battlefield to defeat the enemy. I charged in for you. This isn't My victory celebration. This is the party to celebrate you, the battles you fought, the war you waged, the blood you spilled in My name. I didn't win the fight for this party, I won it to rescue you. Now lets join the party again, I have so many people I want you to meet.'

It sounds crazy, but this is one of my favorite pictures of heaven. I know it isn't theologically perfect, but I feel like it is what I am able to imagine at this point.  

My Omega

Lord, be my Omega today. You exist outside of this fragile timeline, you know where the story has already ended in your eyes. When this fragile sandbox that we tend to think is the sum of our existence is shattered and gone, You will remain. When time is no longer even a concept, the reality is still You.

You watched me walk down dark paths, down roads full of shame and regret. You have seen my fears and my failures, You know when my pride has made me stumble. You are not just walking beside me in this life, You are at the end, You were at the beginning. And my greatest hope is that I can get a taste of who You are to me at the end of my life, at the end of all that we cling to in this world. You are already where I will be when the we watch your blessings come rolling into our lives. You are already where I will stand when hopes and dreams become reality and substance. You are where faith is no longer required and the future is already done and gone. How incredible it must be to see me flounder around it this thing we call time, see the doubts and hopes and already know what is going to happen.

And so I ask, be my Omega today. Be my end. Be the comforter of my soul because the day will come when my soul won't ever need comforting again. Fill me with the understanding that no matter what happens You are still what remains, and let me see the peace of what that brings. I don't ask for glimpses of the future, just the knowledge of who You are when the future comes.

You will get all glory and honor and power and praise. You will be our light and our breath and the joy that we will feel will be the joy of being in Your presence. Bring me closer to that today, give me a hint of what You are when You are all that is.