Four years ago today, I vowed to my wife that I would always be here for her. Oddly enough, I had already done that.

Four years ago today, I vowed to my wife that I would always love her. Again, that wasn't the first time she heard it.

Four years ago today.

It seems strange to think that a single moment, a single day, is held so important in our culture. To me, if your spouse heard anything new or special in your wedding vows, you were not ready to get married to them. Marriage isn't about a major change in your relationship. It is (mostly) a formal declaration of those emotions and promises already made in private or in your own mind. I decided (and yes I use that word for a reason), that I loved my wife after dating her for a month and feeling her absence from me for a very short time. But that didn't mean I didn't tell her that I loved her this morning. And just because I miss her when I am away, doesn't mean I don't tell her that because she knows it already.

To me, the wedding ceremony is a very important, yet very small, stepping stone in a relationship. It is not a pivotal moment. It is not a catalytic event. It doesn't change you. It is the starting point of the single most life-changing event (aside from salvation) in a humans life. The big change isn't the wedding. It is waking up the next morning next to the only other person that matters. And it is going to bed three weeks later next to the only person in life that matters. It is eating lunch, and going to the movies, and enjoying the sunsets, and holding their tears.

But it all starts at the altar. Or before the altar. Maybe it starts at birth with some cosmic thread connecting souls. Maybe it starts somewhere in the choices and circumstances that change our lives. Maybe it starts with the gleam in the eye, love at first sight thing. Maybe it starts on the first date, or second, or third. I don't have the answers, I just know it is there.

In the end, the wedding day is a very special day to me, not because of what was said, or what was done, but because of who I married. Believe it or not, guys, the wedding is for her. It is her moment of glory and her chance to be the beautiful princess she has always wanted to be. All the chaos, the confusion, the formality and the general nuttiness of the day are for her. And (if you have done your part right) she is worth it. She is worth every moment, every dollar, every drop of sweat and blood, every last ounce of yourself.

Four years ago today, I vowed to my wife that I would always be here for her. She will never forget that I had already told her that.

Four years ago today, I vowed to my wife that I would always love her. And she will never forget that she already knew it.

Four years ago today, my life changed, my heart stayed the same, and my world became a better place.

God as the DM

In my last D&D related post, I may have confused some folks with some of my word choices, so I am going to be very up front about this. God is not a Dungeon Master. This is not a breakdown of deep theological elements or even a categorical review of the nature of God (that is a separate item). This is just me trying to analyze one small aspect of the nature of God and how I can see a reflection of that in every day life. So with that being said...

God is a DM. Honestly that is the simplest way to explain it. All things considered, when I try to wrap my brain around how an all-powerful, all-knowing God lets us run around in our puny little lives with this thing called "free will" and yet still maintaining His "will" I end up with a cerebral sprain. So I will try to explain this new analysis of an extremely deep concept in the smallest words possible.

In tabletop roleplaying games -whether D&D, Star Wars, GURPS, Vampire or any of the other unknown number of titles- there are two main types of people. There are the players (I am one currently) and the Game Master (aka Dungeon Master/DM/GM). I have been both at various times in the very short period I have enjoyed this genre of gaming. The DM is the glue for the game, he knows the story (where it is going and where it has been), he knows the players, he knows the bad things, and most of all he has absolute control over what happens. The DM is responsible for making the players feel a part of the story, but will (in most cases) fit any actions that the players take into the story without having it change the intended outcome. After my time "behind the screen" I understand that drawing the players into a storyline that has been precreated for them is a matter of appealing to each player and, to one degree or another, using the carrot/stick method to get them into the story. The DM also knows the rules, and is able to bend/break them or create new ones when needed. In the end, the DM decides what is right and wrong, not the players, and as such also determines the outcome of those decisions.

In my mind, God is not so different (albeit on a much larger, grander, omnipotent deity scale). God is in charge of the story. He has been in charge since before a day 1 was even thought of. God knows the players (us) more intimately than we do. God knows the bad stuff (even the bad stuff we create all on our own). And, yes, God has absolute control over what happens. God pulls, pushes, drives us in our lives through this story He has created. God wrote the rules, so He obviously knows what they are all about. Additionally, He is able to adjust them as He deems fit (see "miracles" for physical rules and "animals in a sheet" for morality/spiritual rules).

Now, if I haven't completely lost you, or driven you to start screaming "Heresy!" at the top of your lungs while storming around murmuring how wrong I am, I would also propose that we are players. That may not sound crazy, so to get more outside the religion box: my opinion is that my relationship with God should be vaguely comparable to my relationship with my DM. My interactions with "Man upstairs" need to look more like my interactions with the "man behind the screen". As a player, I am dependent upon the DM to show me the outcome of my actions, good or bad. As a player, I need to maintain a consistent relationship in the game with my DM to allow my actions to work more fluently with the story he has created. I want to know where he wants us to be, what his motivations are, and recognize that while I may not understand why the story is going where it is, that he is, in the end, looking out for my best interest -keeping the game fun, inviting and positive.

I am dependent upon God to show me how to live, how to interact, how to walk along in His will. I need the consistent relationship with God to understand where I am in relationship to where He wants me to be. I need to know that His motivations for me are based out of love and that even when I don't understand where He is going with my life, that He does care more about me than anything else in the world.

God doesn't have the failings of a human DM. God doesn't have to roll dice to determine some outcomes. God is God. But to my poor little brain, He is the DM running this game we call life.