On Sunday my family met at my parents house to celebrate my mom's birthday and to get together before Christmas because we would not be able to all be together for it. My family is not perfect. For a long time, I think, we tried to be. Or at least tried to look like it. But all of that has changed recently, for the better, and has shifted the mood of our gatherings. I can walk into their house and be more open and honest with everyone than I ever could when I lived there, I can see the troubles, the pain, the emotions running underneath the exterior. I have a younger sister who is pushing to find herself and what she is called to be. I have a younger brother who just wants to be connected to us, to me, more than anything. I have an older brother and his wife who share a dynamic far different than my wife and I, but they enjoy each other (and I think are feeling more free to do so around others). I have parents who have gone through a lot of drama, chaos and pain over the last few years, and can come out on the other side and see that truth is better than illusion (no matter how dangerous or different). And I have grandparents that impact each and every one of us differently (even if we don't get to see them as much as we would like).
My family is not perfect. There are issues and problems, conversations that still need to be had, tears to be shed, old wounds that need healing, new wounds that need attention. But it was nice seeing my family together and the difference a few years makes.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Hero
Skillet again "Hero"
I need a hero to save me now
I need a hero, save me now
I need a hero to save my life
A hero will save me just in time
Who's gonna fight for what's right?
Who's gonna help us survive?
We're in the fight of our lives
And we're not ready to die
Who's gonna fight for the weak?
Who's gonna make 'em believe?
I've got a hero, I've got a hero
Living in me
My wife calls me her hero. I have trouble accepting that title, because I struggle with who I am. To me a hero risks everything to rescue or save someone that would be lost without that effort, regardless of the past or future actions of the rescued. Heroes are never wanted, they are only needed. Hero is not a job description, it is choice, a decision. Options are not weighed, there is no pro-con list, no polling, no popular opinions. A hero risks simply because it needs to be done.
I struggle with the idea of having enough worth to God for Him to rescue me. "God, if you only realized what I was, You would not have done this for me." "God, you must have not noticed my life, the problems I have when you saved me." "Really, God? You are sure about this? I am so not worth it." I can write a pro-con list for God. It is pretty easy. The pro side is sparse to say the least. So goes my logic. My very flawed logic.
The problem in my reasoning is pretty simple. Isaiah 44:24a "Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, and the one who formed you from the womb..." God new me in the womb, created me, crafted me, saw who I was before I was, knew what I would become, who I could be, how He can use me. And He was my Redeemer then. At that moment, where the infinite past was present, He was my Savior, my rescuer, my Hero. His love for me does not stem from any action of mine, from any value I accumulate or waste away. There is no pro-con list. I was not a tough decision. He did not deliberate. He knew the moment He started weaving me together that I was valuable to Him. His actions make me worth it. My very creation is what lets me deserve His salvation. He is Creator-Redeemer for a reason, the two are inextricably linked. To remove one is to lose the picture of who He is, Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End.
At the moment of my creation, He knew I would need Him. Before I could imagine needing to be rescued, He rescued me. And fool that I am, I decide that I don't want Him. I, who need Him, need His grace every moment, come to the conclusion that I am ok on my own for the moment. And if/when my world collapses, I will want Him then. Laying on my back under a pile of rubble, or in a burning building, or caught in a raging flash flood, I try to cope, to survive on my own, until I can't control my life any more. I am the idiotic person who tries to resist the rescue.
So I come to the same conclusion again. I (the idiotic human) need to put Him (the all-knowing God of all that has ever existed) in control. See wasn't that easy?
To my wife: Thank you for needing a hero. And for letting me be your hero.
To my Lord: I exist because of You. I need no other value, no other worth than that. You sustain my life because You made it, and made it worth enough to save me. Remind me that You are my Hero when I forget.
I need a hero to save me now
I need a hero, save me now
I need a hero to save my life
A hero will save me just in time
Who's gonna fight for what's right?
Who's gonna help us survive?
We're in the fight of our lives
And we're not ready to die
Who's gonna fight for the weak?
Who's gonna make 'em believe?
I've got a hero, I've got a hero
Living in me
My wife calls me her hero. I have trouble accepting that title, because I struggle with who I am. To me a hero risks everything to rescue or save someone that would be lost without that effort, regardless of the past or future actions of the rescued. Heroes are never wanted, they are only needed. Hero is not a job description, it is choice, a decision. Options are not weighed, there is no pro-con list, no polling, no popular opinions. A hero risks simply because it needs to be done.
I struggle with the idea of having enough worth to God for Him to rescue me. "God, if you only realized what I was, You would not have done this for me." "God, you must have not noticed my life, the problems I have when you saved me." "Really, God? You are sure about this? I am so not worth it." I can write a pro-con list for God. It is pretty easy. The pro side is sparse to say the least. So goes my logic. My very flawed logic.
The problem in my reasoning is pretty simple. Isaiah 44:24a "Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, and the one who formed you from the womb..." God new me in the womb, created me, crafted me, saw who I was before I was, knew what I would become, who I could be, how He can use me. And He was my Redeemer then. At that moment, where the infinite past was present, He was my Savior, my rescuer, my Hero. His love for me does not stem from any action of mine, from any value I accumulate or waste away. There is no pro-con list. I was not a tough decision. He did not deliberate. He knew the moment He started weaving me together that I was valuable to Him. His actions make me worth it. My very creation is what lets me deserve His salvation. He is Creator-Redeemer for a reason, the two are inextricably linked. To remove one is to lose the picture of who He is, Alpha and Omega, Beginning and End.
At the moment of my creation, He knew I would need Him. Before I could imagine needing to be rescued, He rescued me. And fool that I am, I decide that I don't want Him. I, who need Him, need His grace every moment, come to the conclusion that I am ok on my own for the moment. And if/when my world collapses, I will want Him then. Laying on my back under a pile of rubble, or in a burning building, or caught in a raging flash flood, I try to cope, to survive on my own, until I can't control my life any more. I am the idiotic person who tries to resist the rescue.
So I come to the same conclusion again. I (the idiotic human) need to put Him (the all-knowing God of all that has ever existed) in control. See wasn't that easy?
To my wife: Thank you for needing a hero. And for letting me be your hero.
To my Lord: I exist because of You. I need no other value, no other worth than that. You sustain my life because You made it, and made it worth enough to save me. Remind me that You are my Hero when I forget.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)